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Monday, December 1

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer - the AWFUL TRUTH!

I just have to get this off my chest, because nobody else seems to be making this connection on the Internet:

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer is a pretty macabre song, all things considered. Grandma, drunk and undermedicated, stumbles out into the snow and suffers a hit-and-run incident by a popular Christmas character. Pretty sucky Christmas day, if you ask me.

But if you consider for a moment that Santa didn't do it (either because he doesn't exist or because Santa is a much better driver than that), then there's one other person who seems to be an obvious culprit.

Now were all so proud of Grandpa.
He's been takin' this so well.
See him in there watchin' football,
drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.
Granpa's taking it all a little TOO well, don't you think? Grandpa clearly murdered grandma, stamped hoof prints on her forehead and "Claus" marks on her back (what is that, a boot print?). Why would grandma go out in the snow by herself? What the heck was grandpa doing? Plotting her murder, that's what. She probably died from her lack of medicine -- what medicine was that, anyway? Grandpa got her drunk, conveniently forgot her medication, and then left her to die in the snow!

He was offing the old biddy! Now that you know the truth, can we all stop listening to this awful song? Or at least bring grandpa up on charges?

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posted by Michael Tresca at 11:23 AM


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